One Orchid and a lot of Goose Bumps

~ Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it is still dark. ~      

Rabindranath Tagore

Our first encounter was far from average. At eleven thirty at night you arrived at my doorstep. When I opened the door for you, my entire body reacted immediately. I had goose bumps all over and a certain inner knowing that I would spend the rest of my life with you. That night we first met you didn’t just bring yourself; you had something else with you. It was a beautiful orchid. For me it was not only a sweet gesture. I saw this orchid as a symbol for something that lasts, something that grows. Up to that moment, I had always received flowers on a first date. But most of those relationships ended just like all the flowers did, wilted and ready for the dust bin within no time. I saw this orchid as a symbol for us, our relationship, sort of like a gauge. The orchid and the intuitive feeling that washed over me that night, made our first date into something magical.

When you gave me the orchid, it was blossoming with gorgeous white flowers. Just like the orchid, it was also a beautiful blossoming period for us. Love, feelings of soul recognition, feelings of oneness and under the spell of each other’s energy were vibrations that dominated at that time. Our minds were quiet and felt no need to define or question those feelings and energies. Everything was in harmony with each other. After two months, the first flower fell from the orchid. A deep sadness overtook me at that moment. I had a gut feeling telling me that just like the orchid and its flower, our future was going to go the same way. And indeed, not long after, our relationship came across a rocky and bumpy path. The mind started butting in and tried to name and label what we had and were together and ego took over the navigation from our souls.  At that time, I was unaware of our always applying cosmic laws and I blamed myself for the orchid and its dying flowers. I had not taken proper care of it, maybe I had given it too much water or too little or the place where it was standing was probably wrong. My attempts to bring the orchid back to life were useless. The more and harder I tried, the worse it seemed to be going with the orchid. All the flowers were long gone and the leaves that were left were already turning brown and starting to fall off. With us, it went exactly the same. We both tried to repair our magical connection but we didn’t manage to get our energies vibrating at the same level again. The harder we tried, the bigger the distance and discontent got. Nasty feelings like fear, anger, insecurity and lack of clear communication and emotions from the past which were not properly dealt with had exhausted us. Just like the orchid was not growing any further, neither were we and there came a sudden end to our physical connection. Our ending was exactly the opposite as our beginning. Painful, unbalanced and filled with anger instead of magical, harmonious and filled with unconditional love.

Never had I felt so sad. Tears that fell came from my toes. My soul was crying within me. My entire being was in pain. Anger came after the sadness and after that I tried to ban you from my thoughts and heart. The orchid was really in a pathetic state but I could not force myself to throw it away. Despite the fact that I tried not to think of you and I slowly started to get my life back together, I could not get rid of a certain nagging feeling. Something did not fit. This feeling was leading me back to the moment we first met. The goose bumps and the inner knowing which accompanied each other that night were calling me. I have always experienced my love for you as unconditional. I have also always told my friends that I did not matter to me how you were to be in my life, just as long as you were in it. The goose bumps and the inner knowing which goes with that have never failed me in my life. I have had to learn that life lesson right before we were to meet. The goose bumps are my soul’s way of communicating with me and the inner knowing comes from there and is always correct. I had a really tough time placing what I felt within our current state. My inner knowing did not seem to be correct at all. I did not manage to figure it out and with that I continued on my path with an unconscious anger and with my ego still as driver and navigator. It took a bike accident to open my perspective on the situation and with that I could finally put all the puzzle pieces together.  A few minutes before I got knocked of my bike, I was listening to a song from Nelly Furtado. It was one I never heard before and it reminded me of us. While I was listening to the song, there was a nice warm breeze and it felt like you. It really felt as if you were there with me. At that moment I realized that my love for you had only grown bigger and that I would have to accept that this feeling would always be a part of my life, a part of me. Right after that realization, my handlebar got hit by a passing scooter and knocked me of the bicycle path, head first into the grass. This was a clear sign for me that I was not allowed to continue on the path I had chosen to follow after our break up. In that instance, I also understood why I still had the orchid in my possession. Unconsciously I had always believed that it would start blossoming again. And in the state it was in then, it still resembled our relationship. Even though it was not flourishing and blossoming, it was not dead either. It was in a transforming phase. Just like us. Our connection was still there, just not in a physical form. With this knowledge, my ego could finally step aside and quiet down so that my soul could do the navigating again. My believe in the orchid as a symbol for us, my inner knowing and my unconditional love for you were now in balance and with these energies vibrating in harmony, I was able to create a different path for myself.  I have brought my actions, intentions and choices in life in line with what I carry in my heart and with my inner knowing that my goose bumps gave me when we first met. I finally had the courage to see my life as it really was and the strength to change the things and thoughts that were not relevant for my present life. It was not an easy time, but certainly a necessary one. This growing process has made me stronger, has brought me closer to myself and has given me a solid foundation for my life ahead.

We had our first date almost two years ago and my bike accident happened about five months ago. Meanwhile, the orchid has obtained a far bigger status then just a symbol. It is also my Oracle, my teacher, my example and a physical expression of my faith in us and my unconditional love for you. The day I made the choice to let my goose bumps do the leading, the orchid also entered a growing phase. First it formed new roots and these are now growing all over the place. After that came the new leaves. They look green, strong and healthy. The orchid’s stem popped up a few weeks ago and now as we speak there are three flower buds visible on this stem. Seeing these flower buds has given me hope and so much positive energy. The flower buds in the orchid and the lightness I am experiencing at this moment are telling me that a new phase is right around the corner. A period of blossoming has arrived and with that we close this long and tough transformational phase. When the flowers will start to come out, I will also enter a period of blossoming in my life and so will you and our connection.  I know it, I feel it, I am ready for it. I know we might not meet in physical form when this happens but I will not let that discourage me. Everything happens for a reason and the driving energy behind all, is love. I have my goose bumps and my orchid as my navigation and my unconditional love is shining a light along the way. I know now without a doubt, that this path I have chosen to take, will eventually lead me back to you. We are twin flames, always and forever connected in spirit even when separated.

 

 

~ Do not abandon trust when your ego thinks things should be different than they are. ~

Wayne Dyer

~ Spread the Love ~

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