Instead of thinking outside the box, get rid of the box. ~ Deepak Chopra
About two months ago, I was experiencing some stress in my life. For me at that time, I didn’t really feel stress in my head but my body was giving of alarm signals. When these physical signals became hard to ignore, I tried to place where they were coming from. I blamed the busy holiday period at work for that and with that I relaxed a bit and told myself that the symptoms would soon disappear now that we had discovered the cause. Yeah right…
Of course it did not get better, it only got worse. It felt like everything was working against me. The more I tried to control the situation, the more chaos I created. I was conscious of this all happening to me and I tried to search within myself for answers. Panic arose because I could not find them. What was I missing, what was I doing wrong? Why could I not relax anymore? I had recently gone through a period of balancing out my emotional baggage. I was sure I had unpacked and tossed out a lot of stuff that was not relevant anymore and which was weighing me down. I was supposed to be feeling better, peaceful and balanced but that state was beyond my reach at this point. The situation got to its peaking point and I was sharing my thoughts with a colleague and she gave me the advice to meditate. I told her that meditation could not help me now because my thoughts were controlling me instead of the other way around. She got a little agitated with me when I said that and of course she was right but I knew I had a point also. Leaving it at that, I silently cried out in desperation…. Just show me a way to quiet my thoughts, please….. That night my request was answered. I saw a video which instantly turned my situation around. I can’t really remember how I came across this video but for me just even more prove that everything is connected and that everything happens for a reason. All throughout the video I felt a tingling sensation flowing through my body. I had asked for something and the answer just fell into my lap. It felt like the video was made especially for me. After the video ended, my thoughts had just disappeared. There was nothing but me just being in the present moment. How delicious that felt after almost two months of non stop thinking. And with that I went to bed, wondering if I could manage my day tomorrow with this new insight.
The next day I got up feeling lighter then I had in days. I knew I had a really busy day ahead of me but I felt confident, even though it was also Friday the 13th. The day already started with some out of the ordinary events and it really felt like I was being tested. It turned out to be an extreme long day and I think that in the state I was in the day the before, I would not have survived. But I did and I when I got home that night I felt really amazed and thankful for the powerful message I had received the previous night. My mind started to process my whole day but I felt some resistance in my body towards this so I decided to do something else. That something else turned out to be watching a movie that I had downloaded over a year ago but never had the urge to watch. Eat, Pray, Love with Julia Roberts. I really didn’t know what to expect of it and with the feeling of me just being present in the moment, I watched. Within ten minutes I had goose bumps all over and I was crying. The goose bumps and tears were my company during the whole movie. It was like I was watching a film of my own life up to now. The tears that were falling were not tears of sadness but of relieve. During the movie, the roots that were creating my troubles had become clear to me. Yes, I had worked through a lot of emotional baggage and balanced out my intentions and actions with each other but I never got to the root of the problem which created all the baggage in the first place. While watching this movie, it dawned on me that there was still an unconscious motive which was the driver of all my actions and thoughts. I was driven by the unaware feeling of not being good enough in this moment. This motive leads to feeling that you constant have to improve and do things your mind thinks you have to do to be that better person. No wonder I was feeling so exhausted. This was to be a never ending story. But now that this unconscious motive had been discovered and had become present in my awareness, I could be able to change it. When the movie finished, it was already late and I was feeling all kinds of emotions at once. But dominating were happiness and relief and those I took with me into my sleep. When I woke up the next morning, it felt like I had stepped into a totally different life. The setting of course hadn’t changed but everything seemed so new and peaceful. My body was full of energy and felt totally refreshed. The feeling of I have to do had been replaced by the feeling of what do I want to experience.
Now, three weeks later, I can honestly say that my life is totally different. It has turned around 180 degrees. All stress symptoms are gone and instead of doing all the things my mind thought I should be doing, I am now just really feeling what I want to do and which choices I need to make and when to make them. I have literally thrown out the roadmap and I am now finding my direction magnetically. Of course there are still things I have to do, we all have responsibilities but when I keep in mind that those responsibilities are also there for a certain reason, the pressure just disappears. And with the realization that I am good enough just the way I am now, I find that I can totally relax in the moment and see clearly what the universe wants me to see and experience. I am truly grateful for these past months and my two eureka moments. I know that without the struggles, I would not be able to enjoy all the wonderful things that are happening right now. With the confidence that the universe will always supply me with what I need, exactly when I need it, I now go with the flow of life instead of resisting and fighting against it. The only thing I have to do is remember to be present, stay present and enjoy the ride.
For those of you who might recognize the feeling of your thoughts being out of control, here is the link of the video I am talking about :> Beyond the Story – Lennart Jacobs
I hope it will bring you the relief it has brought me. In love and light. ♥